Digressions and Other Inconsistencies

As a newcomer to the Scroggles phenomenon, I am thrilled that you are reading my blog. Really. The only way I could be happier is if I had just received a check for a million dollars after having consumed seventeen boxes of Junior Mints.

However…

I must get serious for a minute. Before you can read my blog, you, dear reader, must read and agree to the following. Only after reading this will you be able to continue to use my blog.

Thank you for your understanding.

End User Blog Use Agreement

WARNING: Before reading this blog, all users must agree to the following End User Blog Use Agreement (EUBUA). Please read it carefully.

1. Use of Bold Type Font
In order to emphasize sections, points, and in general just to make this text look as intimidating as possible, bold type font is used throughout this EUBUA.

2. Constant Use of Abbreviations (CUA)
This text implements CUA. Nobody is sure why this is necessary, except that it possibly makes the EUBUA harder to read (HR), harder to undesrtand (HAU), and presents a better possibility that the user did not, in fact, actually read this EUBUA (UDNIFARTE). Another reason is that sometimes the abbreviations contain other unexpected words in them that are sometimes referred to as “funny” or “weird” (SRFW). For instance, please note the word “fart” in UDNIFARTE (PNWFU).

3. Definition of Terms (DOT)
This EUBUA uses certain terms that are therefore defined here. Please make sure you understand all terms before continuing. These terms are as follows:

• The author of this blog: AUTHOR
• The reader of this blog: YOU
• The spider I just squashed on the carpet: SPIDER
• What I do in my spare time: VEG
• Today’s temperature: 82 DEGREES
• Someone who actually thinks this EUBUA is serious: DORK
• What I’d like to sell the DORK: SWAMP LAND IN FLORIDA

3. What Constitutes Agreement of This EUBUA
Certain actions constitute agreement of this EUBUA, and have certain legal ramifications (CLR). These actions are as follows:

• Reading the EUBUA to this point.
• Sending me a check for $10,000 with a note that says “I accept the terms of the EUBUA”.
• Before or after reading this EUBUA, purchasing the following products: Windows or Mac computer (WMC), any food or grocery item (FGI), the entire first season of Survivor (you know who you are [YKWYA]).
• Inhaling at any time while reading this EUBUA (IATRTE).
• Thinking to yourself that the previous abbreviation kind of looked like (I Am a Tart). (TTYTPAKLL)

4. Who Can Use This Blog (WCUTB)
Anyone can use this blog, except those who have ordered more than three work-out machines from an infomercial, and then never used them. (URADORK)

5. Acceptable Use of This Blog (AUTB)
Acceptable use includes reading, commenting, and linking posts from this blog to others, providing you do not violate the terms of Item 4. (DNVT4) You may also deduce, if you wish, that the abbreviation for this item kind of resembles “Australian Beer”.

6. Unacceptable Use of This Blog (UUTB)
You may not, under any circumstances, print out the contents of this blog, and use it to line the cage of your pet canary. (BIRDCRAP) Such misuse is punishable by the harshest reprimand possible by the AUTHOR. (IWILLPOUNDMYKEYBOARDANDYELL)

7. Terms May Change Without Notice (TMCWN)
This item has always pissed off the AUTHOR when reading other agreements. It’s as if people are saying that this whole agreement is one sided. They can come after you with their high-priced Porsche driving lawyers (HPPDL) if you fudge ONE ITEM in their agreement, but then they can change anything they want on their agreement WITHOUT NOTIFYING YOU. I think that sucks! (ITTS) Nevertheless, this is of course an OFFICIAL EUBUA (OFFICIAL EUBUA), so the AUTHOR is specifying that he has the right to change the wording of this EUBUA without notifying you, although it will probably be merely to modify the temperature stated in Item 2 (TSI2).

Thank you for carefully reading this official EUBUA.